The Contract

I made this contract with You when I was just a teen.

I wrote it up, read it over, and signed the dotted line.

Never knowing what was ahead of me.

I promised to keep it.

I promised to love You and serve You all my life.

Give you my everything and never turn back.

I promised to stay on the straight and narrow looking only to the home I so badly wanted to get to.

I lied though I broke this contract long ago.

I was so very young and innocent and sheltered from the elements of the world around me.

I tried so very hard to keep it but the fine print destroyed me.

It took me down to the ground and created a void in my soul.

I had never felt so empty; so alone.

I thought that I had ruined my relationship with You.

When the contract was broken I thought we were through.

That I would never be able to gain back Your trust.

That the love you once had for me was gone.

I thought that Your love for me was engraved in a contract I made with my own two hands.

I thought that something from this world could justify me and You.

Could let everyone know where I stood with You.

What I didn’t realize was that this contract was foolish.

It never meant anything to You.

And it never meant anything to the world.

It was never worth a dime.

I tried for so many years to follow all the rules and regulations that filled this contracts lines.

That wasn’t what You intended for me though.

You never expected me to sit down and read all of these rules and follow each and every one of them to obtain a relationship with You.

But that’s what everyone seems to tells us today.

That’s what they told me in the beginning.

And that’s where my insanity began.

Trying to be perfect in a society that was so far from perfect.

Trying to follow these rules, these regulations, these dictum’s that made no sense to me at the time.

Just doing what I was told.

What I was instructed to do by so many of my peers.

I tried, I worked everyday reading, studying, memorizing, and keeping these rules set down in front of me.

I did well most of the time.

Until I realized that there was fine print.

There were words between those lines that I had never seen before.

I started to get scared; I started to rebel.

I failed You, I broke this contract and all the rules set down in front of me.

I couldn’t do it so I thought You weren’t for me.

I realized through this wasn’t what You intended for my life.

I had to break my contract so that I could finally see Your brilliance.

Your love and compassion and grace for me.

This contract was just words on a paper.

It was just something to make me feel like I was doing good; that I was good.

But then I read in Your Book that my father gave me when I was young.

That no one is good not even one; only You.

I was so confused and baffled when I read this.

Who was I if I wasn’t a good person if I wasn’t special to You.

Was I just another child in a sea of children to You.

Or was I chosen, special in Your eyes.

I had thought for so many years that I had to meet this standard of perfection to know You.

But Your Words told me otherwise.

It didn’t line up with my contract, with what the people around me had been telling me to do for so long.

With what my peers had been teaching me to be.

This contract was written on their wisdom, the words that they had given me.

I realized though when I opened up Your Word that their opinions didn’t line up with Yours.

You instructed us to love You, to follow You, and to listen to You.

You are the contract, You are the way the truth and the life.

You are the answer to all of my questions.

The answers I was looking for wasn’t found in my own written contract, it was found in You.

I don’t need a handwritten contract or a society telling me what I should and shouldn’t do; I need You.

I need You every day.

You are my contract.

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