Drowning in the sea of my own tears.

The tears You told me that You kept; each and every one.

You must have over a million jars filled with the tears I have shed.

I bet you get tired of catching them every night.

So why don’t You just take the pain away instead?

It would be much easier than getting more jars to hold my every fear.

There have been so many nights like this in my past.

You know that though; You’ve been there for every single one of them.

I have set here wondering, thinking, contemplating Your existence.

The tears just keep flowing, but the answers never come.

The feeling of being alone forever forms a cloud above my head.

As I keep thinking about it the cloud begins to leak.

It drenches me; leaves me cold and defeated.

Just like the feeling of being alone.

The weary feeling that weighs on my body keeps me up at night.

The damage I’ve brought to it from the choices I’ve made.

The nights I didn’t obey.

The nights I took my life into my own hands.

Letting You watch the show; disappointed and sorrowful.

You cried those nights and I began to form wounds on my heart.

The healing has just begun, but only because You took everything away from me so that I would stop stabbing myself in the dark.

The feeling of being helpless roars like thunder inside of my ears.

Every night I hear the same thing.

Only noise to drown out the sounds of my sobs.

The sounds of my weary soul crying out for help.

Crying out for one more night.

For one more time to have what I so badly want.

I’m helpless without You.

I’m helpless without Your wisdom, guidance, love, and care in my life.

So, I sit in the dark tonight alone with clouds above my head, weary from the nights I disobeyed, and helpless with only You keeping me alive.

Photo by Akshar Dave on

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