Rebel Child

When I was a child I was a trouble maker.
Every day more and more spankings to try and straighten me up.
I was rebellious.
I was wild.
I never wanted to listen to authority.
I thought that in my 6-year-old mind that I had everything figured out.
Then life began to hit.
And it hit hard.
I came to the realization that I didn’t know everything about life.
At 8 I finally hit the wall.
And I saw things I shouldn’t have ever seen.
Events that are only memories now.
Black stains on my heart and mind that will never go away.
At the time I didn’t know who You were.
I didn’t know about Your power or Your glory. Or how You could remove all of this pain from my heart and replace it with a peace that passes all understanding.
All I knew were the scenes that wouldn’t stop playing in mind over and over again.
As I got older life didn’t get much easier.
I continued to rebel.
And the anger kept swelling in my heart day after day.
The bitterness became more than I could handle.
By 10 I didn’t care anymore.
I didn’t want to listen to all those teachers trying to shove knowledge down my throat.
All I did was sit in class and dream about who I could be someday.
I knew by that age that I wanted to change the world.
I didn’t know how; I didn’t know when.
All I knew was that I was getting nowhere by sitting in that desk every day dreaming about it.
School seemed like a prison to me.
Trying to keep me away from fulfilling my true potential.
But as I grew older and wiser I began to realize that those teachers that I thought were out get me were really trying and get me to the goal that I wanted so badly to achieve in this life.
The years past and my anger got worse but instead of acting out I kept it all locked up in my soul for another day and time.
I sat in my room night after night wondering, praying that maybe just maybe I would do something great in this life.
That I would break free of my chains and move forward.
At the time I still didn’t know who You were but I prayed to You anyways.
Because that’s what those priests told me to do.
Say a prayer, believe, trust and everything will be okay.
So I prayed to a God I didn’t even know.
Looking for answers; looking for a way out.
I never found that inside those four walls though.
Kneeling in the pews praying my heart out.
I found it on the ground inside my cold, dark, bedroom one night.
When I heard Your voice for the first time
It was like nothing I had ever heard.
I couldn’t comprehend it at the time.
But now I clearly see what You were doing that night.
You were calling me Your child; You were whispering to me that I was loved.
You were there for me.
I knew that You could take this anger this bitterness and destroy it.
Because that was the only way I was ever going to do something great in this life.
Was by allowing You to break the chains that I had placed around my heart.
I began to see who You truly were and I saw that You were great.
I saw that I was Your child and that You loved me for who I was.
I saw that You had great plans for me.
But the only way I was truly going to change this world was by relying solely on You.
Leaning on Your everlasting love.
Leaning on Your strength.
Without You, I am just a rebellious child.
Searching for something in a world that is so cold and lost.
The only way this child found a home was because of You.
You broke the chains; You saved me from this prison, and You saved me from myself and who I could’ve become!
You are the only reasons this rebellious child is no longer a rebel.
But a child of the one true King.
Saved by His amazing grace!

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Me as a rebel child!

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